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Famous Funny Quotes
Welcome to my famous funny quotes page. Its time to sit back and have a laugh people I am going for the big kahuna’s in funny quotes.
- FAMOUS FUNNY QUOTE OF THE PAGE
I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm.
George Carlin
- You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeners.
- I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde
- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
- My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference.
Harry S. Truman
- Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
Louis Hector Berlioz
- Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Yogi Berra
- Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material.
David Letterman
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
- One of my movies was called "True Lies." It's what the Democrats should have called their convention.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
- And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Spike Milligan
- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Stephen Wright
- Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Jerry Seinfield
- As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
Dick Cavett
- I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.
Mel Brooks
- I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
Elayne Boosler
- A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice
Bill Cosby
- Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers.
Frank King
Thank you for passing by my famous funny quotes page. I hope you had a good laugh and that these quotes made your day. Till next time.
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