Groucho Marx Quotes

Welcome to Groucho Marx quotes. These quotes will make you laugh hard. They are great fun.

American Comedian and Film Star
October , 1890 – August 19, 1977

• GROUCHO MARX QUOTE OF THE PAGE
  I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
• All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
• I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
• I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
• A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
• I intend to live forever, or die trying.
• I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
• I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
• From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
• I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
• I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
• A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
• Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
• Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
• There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
• Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
• Before I speak, I have something important to say.
• I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
• Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
• No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Hope you enjoyed these hilarious Groucho Marx quotes. Till next time.

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