Short Funny Quotes

Howdy all welcome to my short funny quotes. I hope you laugh your head off. Enjoy

• SHORT FUNNY QUOTE OF THE PAGE
  My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
  Rodney Dangerfield.


• I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
  Albert Einstein


• Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
  Author Unknown


• Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.
  Clifton Fadiman.


• I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
  Zsa Zsa Gabor


• He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
  Anonymous.


• Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
  The Simpsons


• I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  Rodney Dangerfield


• The only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath.
  Anonymous.


• You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
  Dean Martin


• Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
  Harry S. Truman.


• Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
  Dan Rather


• It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
  Author Unknown.


• Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
  Bob Hope


• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  Groucho Marx


• A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
  Bill Cosby


• I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
  Winston Churchill.


• Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time.
  Unknown


• He's nice to people 'n animals... but you oughta hear him talkin' to a golf ball!
  Dennis The Menace.

Is your head still on lol. Hope you enjoyed these funny quotes. Till next time.

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